I Cant
by jdnamikaze
Summary: More NaruSaku - esque drabble, inspired by recent Boruto episodes.


I Can't.

* * *

The result of being messed up late at night, with no other outlet finds myself here again. NaruSaku centric, though I'd like to once again reiterate that I'm not a shipper. I'm happy with the ending because it is Kishimoto's and the story that he has written. I quite like the way the Boruto anime is progressing and look forward to see more character development between him and Hinata.

Hope you all enjoy, or not, it's pretty angsty this time around.

* * *

"Tell Sakura I'm Sorry"

His best friend's final statement, a harsh reminder of his absence, his willingness to leave and his neglect. His sympathy extending about as far as the cloud of smoke he leaves behind, a reflection of his hastiness, but utter lack of understanding.

The words pain him, more than they should. He wouldn't dare betray his feelings, but more importantly, his family. He hurts her more than he should. He feels her pain but he wouldn't dare show it. He isn't supposed to. His secret meetings feel wrong, as much as they are established through necessity, for the sake of the village, for the sake of his friend, for his growth and his atonement. But how much more can the world teach him before the importance of family seeps into his being, through his eyes. Eyes built around reflection, more so the deflection of feelings. Feelings supressed by a single mother who breathes false hope, and the feeling of regret from a father of two, who realizes it is out of his control.

But still, he wouldn't dare betray his feelings, and those feelings said: "I'm the one who should be sorry".

He grimaces at the very thought, upon the treetops the moon looks down with judgement. He questions his path. He is where he always wanted to be, yet the circumstances aren't satisfying. He lives to be a symbol of peace, yet he is most recognized in war. His desires involve being the father figure he never had himself, yet his son is full of contempt. He found solace in her happiness, then proceeded to create his own, and yet..

* * *

He finds himself at her doorstep, "Sakura-Chan" as if nothing had ever changed.

"Hokage – Sama" He cringes at the distance, the emotional distance he brought upon himself.

He gives her a dissatisfied frown and she returns it with a knowing smile, an exchange of words unnecessary as he sees his way inside, internally cringing at what is to come.

At this point it seemed as if he never had good news for her, nor did it ever find it's way out.

He turns to find her figure, back against the closed front door. Her gentle hand nervously placed upon her forearm, complete innocence as her emeralds find their way to his taller orbs. The look of uncertainty, a cruel mix of anxiety and puppy-dog, toying at his heartstrings from the day that they met at the academy.

"You saw him again, didn't you?"

It pains him again knowing. Knowing what he has to say, yet this time the words were literally put into his mouth. This time Sasuke had the nerve to tell him how he should burden her with more bad news. He was his best friend and so was she, yet he is constantly being asked to chip away at whatever hope she had retained over the past thirteen years, a 'married' woman, but a single mother.

"He wanted me to tell you he was sorry".

It came out, because he knew it had to.

"For what"? she asked, with almost no hesitation, the neutrality in her voice almost uncharacteristic, emotionless yet meaningful in more than a thousand ways.

He wouldn't have an answer for her, he never did and neither did Sasuke. It was always sorry. Yet it was somehow Naruto's responsibility to be accountable for his absence, he was the Hokage and yet again, this was out of his control.

No words could dare escape his mouth, no words would even make an attempt at defusing this situation, at delivering something other than the inevitable despair.

"Naruto.. please". Her voice as fragile as it was in their teens, he could feel his walls fall apart as he watched her hope deteriorate for the umpteenth time.

He couldn't betray his feelings, nor the truth.

"That's all he said, Sakura – Chan". The words expelled in almost a sigh, a long, restless sigh of understanding that would only be felt between a woman on the edge of hope, and a man haunted with the idea of regret.

He stands before her, unable to move, her feelings radiating waves of silent sorrow despite the lack of conversation. He knows, he's always understood. His hands to his sides clench as he watches her tremble, eyes to the floor, her once-gentle hand gripping tighter onto her other arm, as if it were the only thing holding herself together in that moment.

He wouldn't dare tell her that he understood her pain, but he knows what it is to hide it. He knows when somebody is trying to be brave, he learnt that from his childhood. But he could no longer wear his heart on his sleeve, he needed to be a living monument of solidarity for the village, the 'rock' towards his family, yet that all seemed to crumble in an instant whenever she was around.

He takes a step towards her, "Sakura – Chan, I.."

"No" she interjects, her face jolts upwards and meets his gaze before his next foot touches the floor, he freezes at the suddenness as he meets her face, full of determination, eyes full of aggression yet not enough to be hostile. Not even getting the chance to close his mouth, half way through his sentence, eyes full of concern.

"He's doing this for us right? For all of us, so this is the way that it needs to be. I'm sure he'll visit when he finds the time."

She cracks a smile, though it is an utter insult to her happiness. The ends of her lips slowly curve upwards, but she can't find the strength to look her former team mate in the eyes. He knows, and she knows that he can see through her bravery.

It hurts him. He hurts her more than he should.

To the point where he wants to cry. His teeth clench, his fists remain the same, but he wouldn't dare betray his team mate like that, he wouldn't dare fault her bravery. This isn't the way it was supposed to turn out. He let go of her when he witnessed her happiness, when he saw her smile return. Only to disappear again, never to resurface.

His eyes met the ground, he wouldn't last another moment seeing her like this. Her fear reaches the very depths of his heart, and a part of her knows it too, but she wouldn't dare betray her feelings either. She understands, how much she still means to him, how much a part of her wants him to show it.. to show her that she mattered.

He exhales as he re-centres himself, he knows he should get going and so does she. He struggles to hide the stern look on his face as he motions towards the door, she moves aside opening it for him as she feels the warmth of his chakra brushing against her existence. His essence radiating from his soul, this was him. It always was. He wouldn't dare send a clone, never, not for his Sakura – Chan.

He steps through the doorway, his eyes affixed on the street ahead of him, illuminated by the streetlights, the cold of the night creeping throughout his skin as he prepares to exit. Her figure to his left, motionless as her eyes continue to stare towards the ground.

He couldn't betray his feelings, not tonight. It is beyond him as to why his heart manages to find it's way out whenever it has to do with her. All sense of professionalism and strength is consumed by the thought of his dear teammate, his first love.

He stops himself, his right hand grips the frame of the door. He can't. He just can't be anybody else when it comes to her.

"I was happy because you were." He grimaces as his hand tightens, the doorframe slowly beginning to crack, as was he. "That was all I wanted".

He loosens his grip as he proceeds to exit, before a hand grips tightly onto his left. It's shaking, rhythmically, he knows this all too well.

"..Naruto.. " She shudders, her voice breaks as she can barely expel his name.

He turns his head to find her falling apart. Her lips now curved downwards, her tears had already found the floor and continued to flow as her eyes met his for the second time tonight. This time, with complete honesty.

"I.. I can't!" She breaks as her sobs begin drawing her towards the floor before a strong hand tightens around hers, pulling her into his warmth.

He takes her into his full embrace, her head digs into his chest as the door closes shut against his back, sliding down against it towards the ground in an entangled duo of bodies and emotions.

She continues to cry, knowing that it's okay without having to hear it from him.

This hurts him more than it should.

His fingers find their way to the mess of hair covering her face, he delicately brushes the strands away from her eyes before pulling her towards him, closer to his heart. His face planted directly atop her head, inhaling her scent before a single tear begins to eject itself from his self control.

They sit there on the floor, they can no longer betray their feelings.

"Neither can I Sakura – Chan".

Neither can I.


End file.
